Homeless and those previous blogs…

So, I’ve just recent reviewed some of my previous blogs.  Tonight, to be specific; about an hour ago.  What struck me was a few things:

1) that (unsurprisingly) it’s been so long since my last post, and

2) that my diction and general ‘wordsmith-type’ skills were actually reasonably decent, and

3) that so much has changed…

I type this blog now probably 8 years since the last, and things, as anticipated, and afore mentioned, have changed.  Not just for me, but also yourselves.

I am presently 43 now.  I do not know how that time has passed – but it has.  Some things I am endlessly grateful for: my children are older but thankfully healthy.  I am still with my wife, who I love, and despite all issues, we, as a family, will overcome.

The thought that overcomes me is that I am presently 43 now and I feel completely lost.

I am presently 43 now.

I.

Am.

Presently.

43.

Now.

I am completely lost.

How does that happen?  It seems only yesterday I was 17, with no responsibilities other than staying alive.  I’ve been the person climbing over fences to restricted grounds, I’ve been the person taking substances which no-one dared take, I’ve been the person going the extra mile when it wasn’t needed. I’ve been that person!  So, why, at 43, am I so inclined to persevere with this blog?  I honestly don’t know.  But, for now at least, I hope it gives you some kind of peace and stability; knowing nothing is promised and never will be…but, no matter what, that if you too are lost then hold fast, you’re doing a good job, and hang in there.

I don’t know where this blog is headed – as per the previous, I’m sure you will attest to. However, I do still have some things I want to air.  The main one being to reach out.  Reach out to those who you haven’t heard of within the last 3-4 months.  Despite what you may think, reach out.  Send that text.  Make that call.  I am a fortunate soul in that I enjoy my own company, but even I have my limits.  Others do not.  Reach out.  If a person is on your mind, call them, text them, contact them.

At the moment I have absolutely no idea where my life is headed.  My family and my job are reasonably secure but I am effectively homeless – only renting.  With no long-term security for my kids.  This is what keeps me up at night.  Albeit, not down to my own decisions, probably, maybe so, I am still awaiting the outcome of a pivotable call in my housing situation.  Do I rent, do I buy (again), do I stall, do I save?  Who knows?  God knows………..I don’t.

My whole stability at present cannot survive, or exist, without my employment within the Civil Service.  Regardless of what absolute monstrosities get cast upon me in my every day life, my job, career, at least, is the one anchor point of stability I can have in any storm.

At present I’ve worked for the Civil Service for over 22 years.  I know nothing else.  It has, for better or worse, been my lifeline so many times in my life and career.  I left school with nothing more than a GNVQ and, through the Civil Service, studied, qualified and passed an Apprenticeship for Accountancy and Taxation; awarding me a foundation Degree.

In terms of my life at the moment, it’s not perfect, but it’s ok, and that’s all I need.  I’ve started back training and I still have my close friends to rely upon if need be, and with this post, a few others still to contact.  I maybe just renting for now but at least my family and I have roof over our heads and are healthy and enjoying life.

I hope each and everyone of you are as content.

Fare-thee-well and I will speak to you all again soon.

Pablo (Paulsy) O’Neill.