So, hello everybody! - Welcome one and all. Sorry (once again...) for there being such a vast delay in-between posts!
Whoa, it feels good to be back writing for you all, but also for myself. I've always said this blog will serve as a source of entertainment but at the same time a secondary source of ventilation for myself through my musings and experiences that I find myself entangled in. And this edition, I'm glad to confirm, is similar to the prefaces... Lots of craziness... Lots of mentalness... A dab of reality... and of course a smiggin of sense. So without further ado, lest we commence... :-)
Although I am under the influence of 1, or, ok, 2 bottles of wine tonight, I still am relatively able to portray my feelings, emotions and desires in a somewhat relative state. BUT! Be prepared.........there may be an additional few full stops.........and "DOM DOM DOOOMMM!!" exclamation marks and capital letters for additional EFFECT!!!!!! :-) !!!!!! lol - That being said.........(/insert intentionally long full stop insert to prelong the tension) this will follow, pretty much, the same template as the last post which tends to draw itself to the plane of pleasantries, meaty inter-section, and dramatic conclusion. At, least I hope it does, anyway.(/extended full stop abort).
So. Where am I at at the moment. This question I have asked myself more times of late, than any other. As the cliché tends to agree, 'we are nowhere, and its now'. Although its also a lyric, the line is ridiculously accurate of probably 90% of the world's population. In this current financial climate we find ourselves more concentrated on monetary values and statures of wealth and importance. This is wrong. I'm not going to use another more complex word other than this. As, whats the point. We, as a nation have lost sight (regardless of coinage) of what is important in life. So for this reason I ponder a hypothetical scenario to yourself. Regardless of race or creed, i'm sure you can relate to the following...
Insert Family A.
"Its 6pm. A Monday evening. Dinner time for 99% of the population. Family A are a family of 3 girls, 2 at teenage years, with the youngest a toddler. They also have 2 brothers aged 7 and 11. The family sits down for dinner together at the kitchen table promptly at 6.15pm (15mins late as the 2 boys were finishing a game of Call of Duty on Xbox). Despite this, they eat dinner as a family. Their mother prepares the food (beans and toast), while the father places the table and gets the drinks of cordial ready. They eat the dinner together and share a few laughs and jokes. The older girls have a bit more sense and harbour a sense of welfare of why they're eating beans and toast at dinner time, but all in all, the atmosphere is fun and as a family they all have a sense of unity and togetherness".
The siblings of this family will mostly attain mediocre jobs with one of the siblings over excelling and becoming an expert in a field of science.
Insert Family B.
Family B are from a more privileged background. The mother and father are parents to a gentleman's family. A boy aged 16 and a girl aged 11. The mother was unfortunately killed in a tragic car crash 3 years ago. The father has kept on his employment as a surveyor but the long hours are beginning to take its toll.
He has now gone part-time to spend more time with his family.
Dinner time begins...
Their father prepares the dinner, while the children play and watch tv in the living room. Their mother used to do all the cooking in the home but now daddy does it all. They hardly notice the change.
Dinner time comes along. Its still a fun affair, they still eat dinner as a family, but something is missing. They all know what, but won't say. At times its uncomfortable, but still its safe. A haven for just the two children. They still feel the protective strength that their father has for them. They still enjoy their dinner and go back to their pastimes".
The boy will become a popular local musician who will earn a moderate income, but will do so by working with the skill he loves the most, music. The girl will equally become just as famous in her background of a beautician but will earn considerably more money than her brother.
Insert Family C.
Family C consists of an only child, and a mother and a father who are still living and in high powered jobs. It, again, is dinner time. Mother and Father acknowledge that fast food, greasy food and generally food of a lower standard are not optimal. Their financial status allows for greater quality of produce and as a result their son is the beneficiary of the best nutrition within the province. Similarly the boy is graced with the best pre-schooling the province has to offer. He remains fit and healthy, albeit slightly overweight throughout all his life. He will continue to seek the attention of his father by trying out for football and rugby scholarships but always fall short. These shortcomings will hurt his mothers inert feelings, though she will never attest to them. As a result he will shun those who get too close and tend to be a hermit, loner all of his life of which he will never marry, or fall in love.
So here we have 3 entirely different scenarios which of each are, though hypothetical, are also entirely plausible. But in spite of the dull-drums which might lend themselves to your own preambles, one true aspect remains. The fact is this: If you are fortunate enough to become a parent then you will understand that since that moment, every decision, every thought, every......thing! is focused primarily for your babies.
And this is why the term is knuckled out here and there of "any fool can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a daddy". No matter what, a girl has her baby, she will never let that go. Its an instinct. But I know that as much as I love my boy, there is a part of my wife who loves him even more than I do (as impossible as that seems). Right now, as I type this out, he is simply my whole world. Trying to acknowledge that he means more to my wife than I, is just impossible. But, no matter how hard I argue, its true.
With the deepness of babies and parenthood slightly wavered I would like to bring the tone down somewhat. I mean, after all, there is only so much madness you can listen to in one evening!!!!! Hehe!
SO, that being said, lets begin with my personal updates! - The real issue lies in where to START!
Well. As most of you will, hopefully, agree, I have been a fond advocate for all things health and fitness. This was true this year until around February time. I had signed up for a 10km run in March for which I realistically should have been able to complete with comparative ease. This ceased to be the case. During my 10km training I suffered a knee injury. A Knee injury that was about 5 years old. I damaged my patella tendon during a football match in woodlands pitches. It was to be my achicilles heel, or knee...(pardon the pun). And would put me out of action for a long long time.
It was a complex procedure, but as I had went through the Benenden Health Care facility of the Civil Service I managed to get seen by a consultant fairly quickly. The downside of this was of course, that his surgery was in Ballykelly, just outside Limavady! - Despite my almost 2 hour trek up to the sticks, the consultant was actually a sound guy and told me all I had to know about my injury. He was able to easily identify that I would of course need surgery, but added that he wouldn't know the severity of the damage until he 'got in there'...which was refreshingly alarming!
On the day of the surgery I was firstly pre-op'ed by the nurses and the physio's who were able to reassure me somewhat, as I was (surprisingly) rather nervous about the whole episode. I donned my gown and cotton pants and was ready for pre op assessment. On the way down to theatre my bed was being pushed by two awesome nurses, which kind of mellowed the mood. ;-D
I was asked if I minded if one of them stayed for the surgery as they were only a student. I of course, replied that this was fine. The next thing I remember is some doctor injecting me with a white pastel fluid, and...................
Rather surprisingly, I was awoken with a nurse slapping my cheeks (facial, mind u - unfortunately haha) like I was a faint schoolboy. She gave me a drink from a plastic cup and some medication. After that all I remember is being back in my private room.
I was out for about an hour. The surgery was successful. I had been sick, sore and tired of continuing band aid treatments on my knee. I wanted it fixed for good, once and for all! - Low and behold the bell tolled and the surgeon appeared. He proceeded to tell me, once more, that the surgery was successful but based on the vast amount of wear and tear on my knee joint, that I could never run or jog ever again!
It took maybe around 30 mins for this to sink in, but for someone who has played 5 aside and football, and participated in forms of cardiovascular activity all of their life, I can honestly say here and now for the first time, that it hit me like a thunderbolt! "No running, or jogging, ever again.............."
Please just read that statement and let it sink in. "No running or jogging, EVER again…"
It crushed me. Beyond what I even have came to come to terms with now. It crushed me!
Baldness, wrinkles, tiredness....these are all things that you associate with becoming old. But a knee consultant actively telling you that you can never run or jog again, ever, because of the wear and tear on your knee (due to your own stubbornness) is just incomprehensable!!! - I had the knee surgery on 17 April, and returned to work after 4 weeks. To this date my knee flares up and as the surgeon did advise, it hasn't fixed the issue.
Its only within these recent weeks that I've honestly found some stability come back. And even at that it changes day by day. At my 3 month post op review, the surgeon simply advised that it is something that I will have to continually monitor throughout my whole life. This is exactly what I didn't want. I wanted a fix. I wanted to get knee surgery, for someone to be able once it was all over, to reassure me that things that were once broken were now fixed. I guess it wasn't to be. I neglected my injury for too long. So long in-fact, that it has became permanent. As things change throughout our lives I can at least grant my readers one nugget of wisdom....
Listen to your body. If you think it needs some help....it probably does.
At this point I realise I have been rambling on for quite some time. I should probably come to close this latest post. However, I still have a few ponderings....so please read on if you have the free time (its been a while since my last post so I have a few things to cover! :-) )
The Civil Service. My stalwart. My lighthouse in the storm. Its crumbling.... Crumbling fast.
Once we were a beacon. A light of hope for all those employed in 'humdrum'. An escape for the witty, the clever, the knowledgeable under achievers! Now however the tables have turned. Expenses are on the rise on a dramatic scale and as such the real workers within the Civil Service, the AO's are the ones suffering. I have been in the department for almost 15 years. I have been Temporary Promoted to Manager for 3 years, I have achieved numerous bonus', a directors award, worked overseas to manage a high profile project team, single handedly changed the National Guidance on how we do our every day work, and much more. But still I remain as an AO grade.
There is a major problem with the department. It, even after all this time, fails to recognise or utilise the best workers in its field for the appropriate tasks. As a result you end up in a workforce where people simply have no more to give. A workforce which has been so consistently neglected that it now feels 'what is the point?'. I work in an office environment of around 100 people scattered across 2 floors. 3 people have been promoted within the last 5 years. 1 of which actually deserved it, 1 of which was borderline, and the other which was a total and utter disgrace of a promotion.
I have my fair share of experiences within the Civil Service. Every office is different, but I have yet to see a department where there are as few opportunities for advancement as there are in my current office. Which will remain nameless, of course.
It is with this current mindset that I have decided to apply for a vacancy within the Northern Ireland Civil Service (NICS). Although it is theoretically a step backwards from where I am now (I will lose £1000 per year wages and 5 days annual leave per year). I really feel that if I am successful in my application and 'weather the storm' for the next few years, then I can really push on, re-invent myself, and finally get the promotion which has evaded me for so long.
Having experienced a managers position however, I know this is not for me. I would much rather prefer a promotional role as a case worker as my skills and mindset follow that trend, rather than people management. I do have certain skills which will of course lend themselves to both aspects; but knowing my own strengths and weaknesses as I do, is always a benefit and helps with paving your career progression.
At present I am currently awaiting my 3rd tier test results from the NICS tests. If successful, the posts are likely to be within the Department of Social Development (DSD) which could include the dreaded Child Support Agency, which hopefully, I can avoid. At this stage however, I'll just be glad to be granted an interview date!
Please send your positive thoughts for me on this as, despite my previous efforts, I still feel like I'm going nowhere fast, in my current job.
Its not about the money. It never has been. Its about job satisfaction and waking up in the morning and not dreading work. If some of you feel this way, then perhaps you feel similar to me right now.
Do yourself a favour as I am about to do myself right now as soon as I sign off from this EPIC LONG POST (again I apologise as its been a while). But listen to a song called Sunscreen by Baz Luhrmann while you sleep tonight. It will hopefully help you reflect on the points I've made tonight and if you do find yourself troubled, or worrying about certain things, to know that it will simply be of no use. "Worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum".
Whatever happens in life, simply happens. Similarly you are your own person. Be who you want to be, be true to yourself.
As is only too fresh in my mind from a best mate recently passed....talk these words over with yourself and your family.. "You only get one shot at this short life. Make it big and make it fast and make it good!". And more importantly, if you feel like you alone...there is always that one person who will listen.
That person is me.
Goodnight and thanks for reading (persevering) with my shit! :-D
Paul x
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