As I lie in bed writing this latest post, I do so having awoke on the dawn of my 31st birthday. The weather outside is typical. Typical I say, because in similar fashion to probably anyone's 31st birthday, its a wet, dreary morning. The skies are dominated by a thick quilt of grey cloud and of course, it is raining. Its not even proper rain. Its that horrible fine drizzly, misty rain that lures you into a false sense of security of thinking it isn't actually on, when in actual fact it is soaking you through to your very bones! The kind of rain that seems to mysteriously invite itself onto a funeral procession as it enters the cemetery. Another notable observation through this blanket of dullness is the group of 10-20 Seagulls circling the skies above, as obviously - it is also rough at sea.
So, not exactly the best start to the day as you can imagine. However, the day is just born and there are many events which can still unfold.
Being 31 years old (or as the traditional Irish song 'Kevin Barry' would describe it) - a lad of 31 summers - a haunting thought has occupied my mind for a while now. Although a kind of depressing thought to have at this time in my life, its stark reality cannot be ignored.
This thought is simply; "If I live to the same age my father was when he died, I am pretty much exactly half way through my life on Earth".
It is this thought that now motivates me to reach a higher peak, to examine my life and to ask myself questions such as 'is my life the best that it can be?', 'am I the best that I can be?'.
I know I am not alone in this. These questions are asked by millions of us almost every day in a strive for perfection. The human race is evolving every second, but in spite of this, one vital aspect of evolution has remained. We have always - and always will, want to do things faster and better, to build things stronger and longer and taller. To be the best in everything we do. It is therefore not strange that I ask myself these questions, it is simply a question of timing.
As a kid I remember saying 'As long as I have a good job, a good car and a nice house, I'll be happy'. What I like to call 'The Life Pursuit' (a phrase unashamedly stolen from the album of the same name by Belle & Sebastian). Pretty apt I'm sure you'll agree. (Cue Meatloaf jumping in at this stage of the post to shout "Well Paulsy, 2 outta 3 ain't bad!").
And you know what...he'd be right too. Rainy days such as today are great for evaluating things. They give you it seems a sense of clarity through the grey. Maybe its the sound of the rain falling - who knows. Today I am very aware that I am in a job that has somehow became a chore. After 11 years pretty much doing the same thing Mon-Fri, my working life has became mechanical and left me numb. It is no longer what I want to do. After so long in a job however, it is not so easy to up sticks and leave -especially with a career in the Civil Service - the perfect balance of wages and job benefits. Although the wages aren't necessarily shite, they're not actually brilliant either. The benefits of flexible working hours and every bank holiday off coupled with 6 weeks of annual leave a year is also not to be ignored. Hence the dilemma. So if, as I stated at the beginning of the post, I am half way through my life, and want to improve every aspect of it from this moment onwards how do I expect to remain in a job that currently drains me of all motivation and career ambition? There is inevitably only one answer.
Unfortunately for me, during my schooling years, all I really knew of, or understood, were GSCE exams. Although the career advisors in my school probably explained the path of GCSE's > A Levels > University Degree to me, I guess it went in one ear and out the other - or - probably more specifically, I was on 'the beak' that day (sorry Skeff!) haha. Due to this my education unfortunately fizzles out at (cue drums) GNVQ level, stage 2. A distinction in GNVQ I.T. equivalent to (cue drums round 2) 4-5 x GCSE A grades. But still...GSCE level.
In total 10 passes: 5 x A grades and 5 x C grades! Whoop-tee-fecking-doo! Hence, again, my dilemma.
My passion is Health & Fitness. It is a career that I dream to be part of. Whether it be a personal trainer, a Nutritionist or a Physiotherapist. I know that it is an industry of work that I would be jumping out of bed in the mornings to go to. Never in my life have I felt more sure about anything. The problem lies with my education, time and financial constraints. In order to, say, become a Physiotherapist I would have to go back to school, sit exams, complete assignments, attend lectures etc for probably around 3-4 years. A time-frame in which my income would be drastically reduced and my brain fibres would ache after every day.
But as they say, nothing from nothing leaves nothing. It is a goal very much on my mind and I will do my utmost to achieve it. Maybe not now, or within the next few years, but there will be a time to step aside from the number-crunching boredom of my current job and hopefully it will come sooner rather than later. As, if there is one thing that has became clear - it is that I cannot see myself remaining behind a computer desk for the remainder of my working life.
So onwards to the remainder of my birthday...em...day. I will spend the day relaxing with my wife and probably eating sweets with maybe a glass of wine or two. I will also seek to fit in some study time. Around 18 months ago I began a home study course to become a professional Nutrition & Weight Management Advisor. Today seems like a good day to dust of my jotter, fill up my old ink font and get back to working out, not tax calculations, but instead, calculations of proteins, fats, vitamins and minerals. Something that is not so choresome.
As I finish my post I do so with a glint in my eye and so recall one of my favourite songs from a band aptly named Bright Eyes. If you do just one thing today that you weren't going to, you should give it a listen. The track is named "We are nowhere and its now" and I will leave you with its opening verse......and hopefully, maybe for just a second, the sun will poke its head out through the rainclouds as you do so! :-) x
"If you hate the taste of wine,
Why do you drink it 'til your blind?
And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares,
How come you say it like you're right?
Why are you scared to dream of God,
When its Salvation that you want?
You see stars that clear have been dead for years
But the idea just lives on....."
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